Grace Said.: An Ideal Husband

Opened my email today to receive an interesting article from Meldred! While this article is suited for the ladies, I'm sure the men here could use this as a guideline!

An Ideal Husband:

“Never marry a man who has no friends,” he starts. “This usually means that he will be incapable of the intimacy that marriage demands. I am always amazed at the number of men I have counseled who have no friends.

1) Since, as the Hebrew Scriptures say, ‘Iron shapes iron and friend shapes friend,’ what are his friends like? What do your friends and family members think of him? Sometimes, your friends can’t render an impartial judgment because they are envious that you are beating them in the race to the altar. Envy beclouds judgment.

2) “Does he use money responsibly? Is he stingy? Most marriages that founder do so because of money — she’s thrifty, he’s on his 10th credit card.

3) “Steer clear of someone whose life you can run, who never makes demands counter to yours. It’s good to have a doormat in the home, but not if it’s your husband.

4) “Is he overly attached to his mother and her mythical apron strings? When he wants to make a decision, say, about where you should go on your honeymoon, he doesn’t consult you, he consults his mother. (I’ve known cases where the mother accompanies the couple on their honeymoon!)

5) “Does he have a sense of humor? That covers a multitude of sins. My mother was once asked how she managed to live harmoniously with three men — my father, brother and me. Her answer, delivered with awesome arrogance, was: ‘You simply operate on the assumption that no man matures after the age of 11.’ My father fell about laughing.

6) “A therapist friend insists that ‘more marriages are killed by silence than by violence.’ The strong, silent type can be charming but ultimately destructive. That world-class misogynist, Paul of Tarsus, got it right when he said, ‘In all your dealings with one another, speak the truth to one another in love that you may grow up.’

7) “Don’t marry a problem character thinking you will change him. He’s a heavy drinker, or some other kind of addict, but if he marries a good woman, he’ll settle down. People are the same after marriage as before, only more so.

8) “Take a good, unsentimental look at his family — you’ll learn a lot about him and his attitude towards women. Kay made a monstrous mistake marrying Michael Corleone! Is there a history of divorce in the family? An atmosphere of racism, sexism or prejudice in his home? Are his goals and deepest beliefs worthy and similar to yours? I remember counseling a pious Catholic woman that it might not be prudent to marry a pious Muslim, whose attitude about women was very different. Love trumped prudence; the annulment process was instigated by her six months later.

9) “Imagine a religious fundamentalist married to an agnostic. One would have to pray that the fundamentalist doesn’t open the Bible and hit the page in which Abraham is willing to obey God and slit his son’s throat.

10) “Finally: Does he possess those character traits that add up to a good human being — the willingness to forgive, praise, be courteous? Or is he inclined to be a fibber, to fits of rage, to be a control freak, to be envious of you, to be secretive?
Wow. That opens my eyes quite a bit! So all ladies out that, you can forward this to your other halves, of soon-to-be-husbands! Don't know how to forward to your friends? Simply click the little envelope at the end of this post and tada!

Dear men, don't worry. The bible talks about Wife of Noble Character in Proverbs 31:10-31 as well, and since it's written in the bible, I guess those qualities are even more important to be found in your girlfriends or wives. Strange, the bible doesn't talk about Husbands of Noble Character, that means:

It is important that wives should inherit these characters
It wasn't important for men to inhabit any character at all

Haha! Nonetheless, I still remembered what dear said, "A couple should be made of 2 wholes, not 2 halves coming together to make a whole." I agree to a certain extent, that though we somewhat complement each other (because we are extreme opposites), we must still be able to live as 2 individual persons and not constantly feed off each others strengths. After all, our lives should not revolve around each other!