Grace Said.: Hitting The Reset Button

Last week was gruelling for me - not because I had a hectic schedule or a strenuous exercise. It was the mere reason of keeping my mind constantly in check against any paranoid or negative thoughts as I went through the usual biological cycle of the month just like any other female.

Fortunately, my cramps were not as bad as the usual cramps that left me paralyzed to the point where I had to stay in bed, crouch in a foetal position and experience episodes of pain in cold sweat.

Yes, this time round the cramps were much more bearable but still painful, and I thank God for a higher threshold of endurance because I ran out of painkillers and lazy was I to wake up early in the morning and queue up at my neighbourhood polyclinic.

However as I battled the cramps and occasional backaches last week, what was more painful to overcome was my own thoughts; thoughts that were depressing, desolate and bereft.

It was as if the simplest things, comments, actions, people, or circumstance could easily trigger the offset of the outpouring from my tear ducts.

So the whole week, my brain was at war with my hormones. One moment I was able to function normally, the other moment I would seat down on my study chair, turn on some solemn classical piece, stare at the raindrops on my window and cry.

To make things worse, I was needy and dear was busy so keeping my mind sane and actively trying to be less needy and more independent did frustrate me to tears.

Thankfully, all was well on Saturday night. Suddenly, I was normal and he was available for me. I could imagine God pressing the reset button and "ZAP!" everything went back to default.

And so last night, dear and I headed down to our favorite spot - Changi Airport T3 to enjoy the company of each other, have a drink and some dessert.