Of Scars And Sorrow

"Scars remind us of where we've been, they don't have to dictate where we're going."
- Agent Rossi (Criminal Minds)

It has been an emotionally agonizing week. One moment I am happy-go-lucky, another moment I am hurt and upset, and the worse thing is that I have absolutely no control over these emotions.

Like being crippled with all these emotional ups-and-down isn't enough, I find myself chugging a whole bag of emotional scars, hurts, and memories that eat away my heart each time I replay them in my head.

Gosh it's so painful sometimes, and honestly, there were so many times I just broke down and cried.

I wonder if it's the hormones (time of the month), or if there is a deeper problem I have to tackle - to let go and stop condemning myself.

Because really, it's a vicious cycle I see myself getting stuck in. First I get upset or hurt, I cry, and the next day I forget about it all. And when the same incident triggers the past memory of a similar event, it's like tearing open an old wound but this time, with the pain magnified.

But today, I got so sick and tired of being upset, of crying, of being so worked up and emotional that I thought to myself: "Grace you have to let go of all the past hurts and not carry them anymore."

The next day, other than puffy goldfish eyes, I woke up forgetting everything that happened the day before. Although my heart felt a little sore from all the emotional torment, I realized that it certainly felt damn good, to be able to be free and not be oppressed any more.

Indeed, scars remind us of where we've been, what we've gone through, and what we've endured. But they certainly do not have to dictate where we're going or we truly are.


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