Recently, I had a sudden epiphany through a series of incidents - Love is easy, but being in a relationship is tough.
Spoken from someone who has been in a relationship for 6 years, I can still tell you that it is still very tough some times, and I do have my own struggles, fears, doubts, and insecurities about anything and everything.
But of late, it doesn't help when patience, perseverance, and the endurance is wearing thin.
It's as if the slightest disagreement, mis-intepreted body language, silent assumptions and tone variation can cause some major trip in my brain system, which will lead to an unconscious and uncontrolled series of negative thoughts that hover along the lines of giving up.
But that's just me I guess.
Disclaimer: Having said that, it doesn't mean I have a change of heart. I still do love a lot. I'm just being very honest with my thoughts, which I am feeling very guilty of.
Dear however, seems to be surprisingly confident and full of faith each time I'd ask if he has ever thought if I would leave one day.
And each time, he'll always shake his head firmly and honestly because I guess he knows me better than I do, which in this case, I do agree that he is right.
Because despite any quarrel, disagreement, or cold war, I find myself still caring for his wellbeing and ensuring his needs are met before mine. Of course it's painful to care and give when I'm upset or angry. But some how, this ALWAYS happens and I just cannot bring myself to be completely aloof and devoid of care and concern.
Ssssiiiiggghh. It's like a blessing and sometimes a curse to love and give at such measure. But I guess what I have learnt lately is that love transcends any situation or circumstance or even any emotion. In fact, I have seen how love is still evident even in an argument or a dispute.
Indeed, love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.
And so I am thankful of how dear is always so protecting, hopeful, and trusting even when he's angry or upset. Because as how 1 Corinthians 13:4-9 aptly states "And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love."
Having said that, I'm guilty of being so faithless, and letting doubt, fear, and insecurity influence my thoughts and perception. Well, looks like it's time to start seeking some divine intervention and yield some fruits of the spirit.
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